Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
