You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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