Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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