Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
