If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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