Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
