I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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