he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
