This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to calm my uterus...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
