my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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