genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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