Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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