So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
