Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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