So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
