At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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