Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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