I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
