My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
