I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
