Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
