you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
