just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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