So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
worst night to have a conscience
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
