i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
