even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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