every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
