I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize