i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I want her autograph on my taint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
