Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
