AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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