yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
whose ass print is on the piano?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
