she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
