I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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