U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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