I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
