Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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