This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
