You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pants are for mortals
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
