Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
