just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
