Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
