I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
