Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
