you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
