I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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