i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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