Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
