Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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