He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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