so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I did not marry a roomba.
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