my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
