Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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