I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
