Me. At least after what I've been through.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize