Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
