I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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