You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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