Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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