Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
