Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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