Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize