i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
