Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
