he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
