Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize