I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Farmville is her only friend.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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