I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
