He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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