i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Panties = found
Randomize
