me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
