You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
