Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
