So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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