420 ftw
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
