dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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