Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
