I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize