I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
