Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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