He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
