3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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