Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
