He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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