I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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