Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
